Charity urges debt relief for domestic abuse survivors
Women fleeing violent and controlling partners must be better protected from financial abuse, according to a leading children’s charity.
Aberlour is calling for greater safeguards to stop money being used as a weapon by former partners.
It warns financial abuse – attempts to stop women getting, using or keeping money after they leave – often sabotages their recovery from physical and psychological violence.
Aberlour chief executive, SallyAnn Kelly OBE, believes the cost of living crisis is already deterring more women from leaving abusive relationships and undermining hopes of a new life for those that do.
She said:
The abuse and control already endured by women during a relationship is often linked to money and will continue after they leave.
“Many survivors of abuse will have been allowed no control of cash coming into their home and, when they leave, discover they are liable for debts and loans they had no knowledge of.
“Organisations, particularly those in the public sector, must get better at how debts like rent and council tax are pursued to ensure they are not unwittingly helping abusers and punishing survivors.
“There are better, more humane, and less destructive ways to collect – or even cancel – this public debt.
MSPs on Holyrood’s social justice and social security committee are currently consulting on the issue before investigating the financial pressures on women fleeing abuse and how to ease them.
Aberlour’s frontline support workers say it is common for debts, loans and maintenance payments to be weaponised by former partners as abuse survivors attempt to recover and rebuild.
Emma Kerr, who leads Aberlour’s partnership with Barnardo’s and Falkirk Council in Equally Safe, a support service, believes there must be greater awareness of the financial uncertainty facing families fleeing abuse.
Kerr said:
The first thing we do with women and children escaping abusive relationships is a risk assessment.
“The absolute priority is securing their physical safety but, right after that, before we can even begin to address the trauma they have suffered, we need to ensure they are financially secure.
“Worries about how they will survive from one day to the next is often the reason they have remained with their partners despite the abuse and, after leaving, they are in unknown territory.
“It’s only then that many women discover they are liable for debts and loans run up by their partner and what is already a fraught, difficult situation can soon begin to feel impossible.
“We have mums who have had letters come through after separation for loans or purchase agreements that they know nothing about.
“One of our mums is having to pay for his debt although she didn’t know a thing about it and he’s gone awol so they will chase whoever they can find to get the money.
“Because she has had to take out crisis loans or advances on her Universal Credit it means she is having deductions taken all the time which leave her with nothing.
The Aberlour team offers intensive support for families referred by social workers, police officers or teachers but cannot begin helping women rebuild their lives until they are safe and financially secure.
Kerr said:
They need to be free from danger and they need money to live.
“All of our mums are in debt. Every one of them.
“Their mental health is usually in a low state, often because of the burden of their debts or other financial worries.
The women endure financially uncertainty even if their partners do not deliberately attempt to make things harder although many continue to exert coercive control after the relationship is over.
Kerr said:
It is usually around the children, most often child contact arrangements or maintenance payments.
“Those attempts to exploit every interaction with their former partner to try to exert control can go on for years and years.
“Some children don’t want to see their dads because of what happened but there are court orders in place and their mum feels trapped between a rock and a hard place.
“She is being forced to spend money she cannot afford taking her children to see a father who often is only using the visits to exert control over her.
“He will use those visits as an opportunity to turn the children against their mum or give them things he knows she cannot afford.
“They will use money, children, any point of contact, to exert control, to keep abusing.
Aberlour is working to improve the understanding among public sector organisation of how domestic abuse and its aftermath is linked to poverty and financial uncertainty.
Kerr explained how one abuse survivor found it difficult to speak to men she did not know and asked if women benefit workers could contact her.
She said:
The suggestion was rejected out of hand as if it was completely unreasonable.
“There seems no understanding of what these women have gone through and how that might impact on them now.
“There is still work to be done to raise awareness of domestic abuse in public sector organisations and inform their work.
“A lot of what we do is educate mums on how to handle their money, to manage their money.
“Meanwhile, they are trying to navigate systems that are not helpful and can even be adding to their trauma. It is really difficult.
“How can she heal from trauma when she has the weight of the world on her shoulders because of her financial problems.
“We need to fix that.
SAFETY FIRST FOR FLEEING SURVIVORS
Financial stability is crucial to allow women fleeing violent relationships build new lives but the priority is their safety.
Emma said:
We need to make sure every possible safety net is around the family so we are talking about extra security cameras, extra security lighting, extra locks.
“We will ask police to put a marker on the phone number to ensure a seven minute response to any alarm call.
“We will go through her routine, the children’s routine, his routine and minimise the risk of contact.
“Where he is likely to be? When are his days off? Where does he work, when?
“We take all of these considerations and produce a formal safety plan, on paper, that I can give to mum and the other professionals with an interest in the family.
“She will have a code word and if it’s used in a text from her, it’s an immediate 999.
“Then we will plan with the children telling them what to do in different situations.
“Very often it will be to go to a neighbour so then we will go to the neighbour to say, if that happens, you need to call the police.
“So that safety bit is done first then the focus moves to their finances and, usually, mental health. Those go hand in hand.
LINDA’S STORY
The mental abuse, the controlling behaviour, was the hardest thing to cope with because it wasn’t direct.
"Remarks that on their own he could portray as perfectly normal but were constantly chipping away at the sense of myself.
"Who are your friends? Why are you wearing that? Or he would just stop talking to me. Or be in a terrible mood for no obvious reason.
"I didn’t have a phone, I didn’t have money. I turned into this puppet, just doing whatever it took to keep him happy, to make things easier around the house, to make the kids feel nothing was wrong.
"That’s what he wanted, for me to lose myself, that’s the thing.
"It was a game to him to get the children on his side and not mine. I was unhappy made to think I was the problem, that it was my fault I was unhappy.
"I started a college course, and it was my lecturers that saw what was happening to me. A social worker referred me to Aberlour and Equally Safe and it was the unity that got me through.
"You can’t imagine anyone else is going through the same thing.
"I was so used to feeling that no one could hear me but went into a room full of women who knew how I felt. There was no fear, no stigma.
"Awareness is the biggest thing. It took me so long to realise what was happening to me.
"If we can raise awareness and get sparks going off in other women’s heads the way they went off in mine.
"You have no idea how quickly your life can get turned around. When you’re going through it, it seems unimaginable but it is possible. It happened to me.
This article was written for the Sunday Post and published on Sunday 9th February 2025.