'I Just Want My Kids To Remember A Happy Christmas'

New mum on defying poverty to give her children a special day

"My youngest arrived two weeks early and, by the time of my actual due date, I was already back at work. 

"It didn’t feel like I had a choice because we needed the money so badly. I was absolutely panicking, we had nothing. When my manager saw me she was like ‘Why are you here? You’ve just given birth.” 

"I wasn’t ready to go back to work but all the benefits were a month behind, and I had nappies to buy, formula, wipes, food.  It was impossible. Eat or pay the gas. Buy the kids clothes or pay the electricity. I missed more meals than I can count but the kids never went hungry. 

"The house made everything worse. It felt like the enemy from the day we moved in. I remember the wallpaper lifting straight off the wall and underneath it was just black with damp and mould. The walls were wet to touch. The windows had no seals and the cold air was blowing in. The kids were constantly sick, chest infections, wheezy, colds that never really went away.

"The bath was all stained brown. It might have been rust but could have been anything. It was awful. The council came and painted it, like that would help. I refused to put my baby anywhere near it. We couldn’t use it for two months.

"We didn’t have much but anything we had was ruined by the damp. Clothes, toys, bedding, all of it. Living in that doesn’t just damage your things or your health, it batters your confidence. It made me feel like a failure, that I couldn’t even keep my kids safe. You feel uneasy all the time, completely stressed out. I was always cleaning clothes, wiping walls. It just gnaws away at you.

"But we’re getting through. Finding Aberlour, or Aberlour finding us, was a turning point and their Urgent Assistance Fund was like someone throwing us a lifebelt. It was literally survival money. The application was made and the money was with me so quickly. It went on absolute essentials, food and nappies, milk and electricity.

"The kids were always sick so we couldn’t go to any play groups or anything. We had become so isolated and just having someone to talk to made all the difference in the world. The house is warmer now, we have a new bath. My kids are always clean and fed, even if I still have to go hungry every so often. And Christmas is coming.

"I just want them to feel it’s special. I didn’t have anything fancy growing up but always felt the magic of Christmas and I want my two to feel it too. They won’t get expensive stuff but their stockings will be full and there will be presents. I do everything I can to give them that feeling of excitement. 

"I watch every penny every day of the year but am always thinking about the kids’ Christmas. You can get good buys online, nice new toys for a few pounds, and I know all the charity shops inside out and upside down. I’m an expert at getting bargains and hiding them away.

"On Christmas morning, my kids won’t care where things came from or how much they cost. They’ll just know Santa’s been. That’s all they need to know. Hopefully, when they’re all grown up, they will look back and remember the happiness and excitement of Christmas morning and a mum who was trying her best."

You can help families across Scotland this winter by donating to our Poverty Relief appeal.

This article was written for The Sunday Post.