Lyndsey's volunteer befriender story

A life-changing befriending scheme delivered by Aberlour Children’s Charity is helping ease the pressure on new mums. Here, Lyndsey, a volunteer befriender in Lothian, explains what’s involved and why it matters.

“As my children grew older and began to leave home I had more time on my hands and was looking for a new challenge. I was interested in volunteering as it would allow me to do something positive but would give me more flexibility than going back to work.

"I liked the idea of doing something with children, which led me to Aberlour. The befriending service really appealed to me as I remember very clearly how long days can feel at home with a little baby.

"Before you become a befriender there is a period of training, I think it was an evening a week for seven weeks. I really enjoyed the training, it was actually very interesting and taught me valuable listening skills.

"The time commitment to being a befriender is an afternoon a week. It is rarely more than three hours including travelling. In addition you have occasional ‘supervision meetings’ with your coordinator, which are actually very relaxed - a coffee and a catch up. The team at Aberlour are amazing. They are incredibly supportive and helpful. I love being part of it.

"I’ve been a befriender for nearly three years now and have been matched with four mums over that time. The service is provided until the baby’s first birthday.

"What we do is very much shaped by the mum. Often we just sit on the floor playing with the baby and having a chat. That might not sound like much but sometimes having a bit of company and someone to give you a wee lift can make a bad day much better. I’ve also lent a hand rocking the baby whilst mums have a haircut or go to the dentist. I’ve kept a mum company whilst she went to a Book Bugs session at her local library because she was nervous about going along on her own.

"Sometimes it can bring back lovely memories of my boys when they were babies. Things I had forgotten.

"Some of the mums we work with have mental health issues from before their pregnancy. Some are struggling with the pressure of being a new mum. The most important thing is that we are not there to judge or advise or fix things. We are there to provide a sympathetic ear. You don’t need any special qualifications, just a willingness to listen and support.

"That first year can be a very tough time for new mums. Everyone telling them that it should be a happy time can make it even harder to talk about it if they are feeling anxious or depressed. Some mums just need some encouragement to get out and about.

"It can be easy to become isolated with a new baby. Sometimes they have no one to talk to. Sometimes they have family but don’t want to be judged, or appear as if they are being critical as if the support they are getting from their family is not enough.

"They know they can pour their hearts out to us, tell us how they really feel, because we’re apart from their family and their day to day lives.
It has been nice to feel a little challenged while being part of a team, to do something unconnected to my family and home.

"I feel lucky to have found a place in the service and find it incredibly satisfying. It’s only a few hours each week but feels like time really well spent.